Part E: Waiting in Hope

Part 9

And now the difficult time began: searching for treatment plans. Antibiotics. Research online of which I could remember little. My brain was terribly foggy. Attempt at a salt treatment; lots of Himalayan salt and it was supposed to eliminate parasites. It eliminated my hair. Once thick, it steadily fell out until it seemed quite thin. But it did help my body temporarily. I started taking artemisinin, banderol and samento herbs on a regular basis. They helped temporarily.

But what to do? Vitamins, juicing of carrots and greens until my skin took on an even stranger orange glow. Salads, lots of salads, wild meats and fish. Oils. Anything I could think of I tried. Sleep. At this point I slept incredible amounts of time. Up for 2 hours in the morning, down for 2. Up for 2 hours in the afternoon, down for 2. Or if it was an active morning I would sleep all afternoon. And then go down early for the night. I could sleep, sleep and sleep.

It was helping but at the same time I wasn’t moving forward. The doctors had agreed to put me on antibiotics, but in hearing from my sister-in-law I chose to forfeit that chance. It complicated her situation, lending to bad gut infections and though it may have temporarily helped, the door was opened to other problems.

My body was already so torn down. How could I go through a treatment that furthered my broke down body? I prayed. I begged God to open a door. No peace about antibiotics, no peace about any treatments. What should I do? My boyfriend and I really, really liked each other. We wanted to move forward. But how? Especially when hearing that Lyme disease is sometimes sexually transmitted? Was marriage an option? And if so, how would all this work itself out in a marriage? My hormones were out of order. At times I thought I was going through menopause. Everything was out of balance. If we got married, could be avoid having children  immediately? Would I spread my disease to a child? I couldn’t handle a child right now. I didn’t believe in the pill. Besides, my hormones were disrupted enough already. I didn’t need anything to mess them up more than already was!

I prayed. I waited. I researched, tried to find other ways to deal with this sickness. I had no peace about antibiotics. It just didn’t make sense: why break down my body more than it was broken already? I needed to save what health I did have. Good diet, nutrients, vitamins and minerals all played a part in a healthy body but this was about more than having a healthy body! I needed something to fight these parasites! How to start killing them off? How to kill them off without killing myself in the process? I felt stuck. Yet I knew I had to do something. So I waited.

Part 10

And then a doorway opened. Mentioned to me by my brother’s girlfriend who had a brain tumor, she had traveled into the States and stayed at a wellness center. Hearing they had good treatment for Lyme disease, they informed me upon their return. How exactly? I don’t remember if they knew but the information seemed vague to me. Later my boyfriend’s parents were considering going down as his dad had recently been diagnosed with lymphoma. They mentioned the center again, but I was skeptical. And the cost. I had lived on EI that summer, barely squeaking by. And I mean barely. Living on faith in the literal sense.

This place kept popping in and out of my mind. Finally, I picked up the phone and called the center. Yes, they did treat Lyme disease, had success in their treatments. It was a long road to recovery, involving a 2 year program but the person on the other end of the phone treated it as if it was nothing more than a cold, certain I would recover. His certainty gave me hope. I didn’t have to funds to go and told him so, but also told him I would keep the center in mind.

I hung up, deciding that I needed more conformation. “God, if this would be a good choice, let someone else offer to pay for my time there. Meanwhile, I’ll try to start saving.” Here I was, living in a northern Alberta community. Good food wasn’t cheap and I couldn’t skimp on it. I’d had a blood analysis done, bought recommended vitamins and tried to reverse some of the problems present. But again, it was nothing more than upkeep. I’d quit that and I would try to save. Perhaps in the next 2 several years I’d be able to save up the money needed. I’d aim for it anyhow.

The next day a couple dropped by to visit. I told them I was starting to save up so I could attend this wellness center. Their answer so shocked me I couldn’t respond. “Don’t worry about money. If you want to go, we’ll send you there.” I didn’t even know what to say. I’m sure my eyes were bigger than saucers. I was so stunned I didn’t even think to tell them about the request I made less than 24 hours earlier.

When the next morning came, it all sunk in. I do believe I processed things slower when I was so sick. I was eating breakfast and then suddenly I was a crying, slobbery mess all over the hot cereal in my bowl. God answered. He heard my prayer and confirmed that yes, I was to go. Perhaps there was hope for healing, hope of getting better one day, hope of a life with my boyfriend.

How strange it was that the other times a deep grief and sense of loss had made me cry, the brokenness of my soul stirred the waters so deeply. Here I was experiencing the voice of God again, this time with hope for change and somehow my soul was again broken, this time deeper, in a different way. I felt broken all over again. God heard me. He cared about me. I felt humbled beyond words. Who was I, in all the emptiness I carried within my being, my moody irritability, my lack of involvement in others’ lives, my doubting, contrary spirit, my anger toward God for my financial situation, the messed up blob that made up who I was…He chose to hear me, to respond and let me know He cared!

I shared it joyfully, sobbingly in some cases. Shared at my church, with my parents, with my boyfriend’s parents, with siblings. Both my boyfriend’s parents and my own family pitched in to help. The plane ticket from north to eastern US, the wellness center’s cost, the pills and equipment I would need to continue my own treatments at home. I was going. And I had hope of healing.